As Yuxi reflected on her actions since her rebirth, her expression relaxed. "Back then, I would get up before dawn every day to memori...
As Yuxi reflected on her actions since her rebirth, her expression relaxed. "Back then, I would get up before dawn every day to memorise my lessons. I spent the whole day in class, then did my homework at night. There was so much of it that I rarely got to bed before midnight. During that period, I slept only three and a half shichen1 a day and spent virtually every other waking moment studying. Everyone around me said I was pushing myself too hard, but no one knew I was studying so desperately because I was afraid. I was afraid that I would end up just as I had in the dream: with neither my corpse nor bones remaining2. Perhaps because I studied so diligently and overcame my timid, cowardly nature, many things turned out differently in real life. My Er Tangjie3 no longer dared to bully me, San Jie became much kinder to me, and Da Tangge4 even looked at me with another eye5. Even the Old Lady stopped treating me so coldly. As everyone's attitude towards me changed, I gradually gained confidence, and the fear buried deep in my heart slowly faded. Later, when I discovered that Momo Quan knew the healing arts, I put on a thick skin and kept pleading with her to teach me. My reason was simple. I thought that if I ever found myself homeless again, I could at least support myself if I knew medicine. Unfortunately, as a legitimate daughter of the Han family, I wasn't allowed to study it. Besides, Momo Quan wasn't particularly skilled; she only knew a little about it. However, when she saw how sincerely I wanted to learn, she taught me pharmacology." Every word of this came straight from Yuxi's heart. When she first started her new life, she lived in constant fear of ending up in the same miserable situation as in her previous life. That was why she threw herself into her studies, determined to change her fate. As it turned out, she had made the right choice.
After hearing all this, Yun Qing deliberately joked to put Yuxi at ease. "I've read stories about a single dream spanning a thousand years6. Yours was a single dream spanning an entire lifetime7." It had never even crossed Yun Qing's mind from the very root8 that this might be a case of a soul borrowing a corpse9.
At Yun Qing's words, Yuxi felt her heart loosen. "That dream changed a great many things. Fortunately, they all changed for the better."
Yun Qing was reminded of something. "Aren't you able to foresee ominous signs? I think that dream may have been a warning, telling you to change. Otherwise, perhaps you really would have ended up as you were in the dream."
Yuxi nodded, agreeing with his reasoning. "Husband has a point. The me in that dream was timid, cowardly and incapable. With a temperament like that, I wouldn't have fared well in any circumstances." Having understood this, she no longer resented anyone. People tended to bully the soft and fear the hard10. If you were a soft steamed bun11, people would naturally take advantage of you.
Seeing Yuxi return to her senses so quickly, Yun Qing let out a long breath. Even if it had only been a dream, something that terrible might still have cast a shadow12 over her. He spoke gently, "You've been through a lot."
Yuxi murmured in acknowledgement. "It was only really difficult at the beginning. Later, Mom and Dage both protected me, so life in the Han family became much easier. Now everything is completely different from the dream. I'm very happy with my life." But she earned this happiness through her own efforts.
Yun Qing took her hand. "Didn't I just tell you? Dreams are the opposite of reality13." Then he couldn't resist asking, "Have you ever seen me in your dream?"
Yuxi shook her head. "No. I never saw you, and I never heard of you either." She only said she had never heard of him because she was afraid he would start asking questions. She certainly didn't want to tell him that he had become the Great Zhou's murderous madman who had made k!lling his very nature14. Then again, rumours were often unreliable, and not everything said about Yun Qing in her previous life was true.
Yun Qing was initially a little disappointed that Yuxi had never even heard of him. But he soon let it go. After all, it had only been a dream. "By the way, did you ever find out why Jiang Hongjin wanted to marry you?" The two of them were clearly ill-suited, yet Jiang Hongjin had insisted on the marriage. He must have had a secret motive that he couldn't tell anyone about.
Yuxi nodded. "Jiang Hongjin was infatuated with my San Jie to the point that he became obsessed. He wanted to marry me in the hope of drawing closer15 to her. If I hadn't been adopted into the Main Branch, perhaps I still wouldn't have escaped the fate of my previous life. But because I was adopted, Jiang Hongjin married my Wu Mei16 instead. And as far as I know, they still didn't complete the bridal chamber17 on their wedding night. But my Wu Mei was nothing like me. She had a fiery temper and couldn't bear to suffer in silence. So the very next day, she made the whole matter public. She wasn't like the me in the dream, who only knew how to accept whatever came and submit to whatever was done18, too afraid to fight back even when people mocked and bullied me."
After saying all this, Yuxi deliberately added, "But because of that, there are times when even I can't tell whether it was really a dream or something I actually lived through."
Yun Qing felt his heart tighten and quickly said, "Don't let your thoughts imagine things without basis. It was only a dream. A nightmare."
Yun Qing hadn't thought of her as a demon or a monster, so Yuxi was in quite a good mood. Still, to eliminate the hidden future danger19, she said, "I've looked through a lot of books. Some call this sort of thing dying and returning to life20, while others call it borrowing a corpse to return the soul21."
Yun Qing was both amused and exasperated. "And you call yourself deep and broad in learning22. Even I know that dying and returning to life20 means a dead person coming back to life, while borrowing a corpse to return the soul21 means a dead person returning in someone else's body. You simply had a nightmare. Given your unusual circumstances, though, perhaps that nightmare was also a warning, telling you to take precautions and stay out of danger."🦊
Just then, Meiyun called from beside the lake, "Wangye, Wangfei, Second Young Miss is crying for her father and mother."
Yuxi smiled. "I suppose the little girl wants me to tell her a story." She hadn't had much to occupy her lately, so she had been telling the two children stories every evening. She had also gone to Mama Lan and Momo Quan to obtain the scriptures24, and their advice had given her a few ideas. Armed with this knowledge, her storytelling had improved quite a bit.
Yun Qing took Yuxi's hand. "Let's go back." Only then did he realise how cold her hand was.
As soon as they entered the room, they saw Liu-er's little face streaked with tears. The moment she spotted Yuxi, she called out pitifully, "Mom…" She hadn't been crying because she wanted a story. She had cried because she couldn't find her parents.
By the time they had coaxed both children to sleep, it was already the beginning of the Hai hour25. The moment Yuxi stepped into their room and saw Yun Qing bare-chested, she immediately turned her head away.
Yun Qing couldn't help finding Yuxi's reaction amusing. Even though they were already an old married couple, she was still this shy. "It's getting late. Let's turn in."
When Yuxi returned from her bath, Yun Qing immediately pulled her into his arms. She didn't push him away. Instead, she responded willingly, even taking the initiative. These days, she was much more passionate about such things than she had once been.
After making love twice, Yuxi was utterly exhausted and fell into a deep sleep soon afterwards. Yun Qing watched her sleeping peacefully for a moment, then got dressed and quietly left the room.
Xu Wu hurried to the study. "Wangye, has something happened?" Being summoned in the middle of the night could only mean something urgent had come up.
Yun Qing handed him a letter he had already written. "Send this to Falcon." Falcon was the most senior intelligence officer stationed in the capital.
Seeing that Yun Qing had no intention of explaining, Xu Wu didn't ask. He simply nodded. "I'll have it sent out at once." Intelligence dispatched from Haocheng could now reach the capital in just three days.
Yun Qing thought for a moment, then asked, "Do you remember Heshou Xianzhu26?"
Xu Wu nodded. "Of course. She was the woman who supposedly could foresee the future. Wangye, why are you suddenly asking about her?"
Yun Qing replied, "Wangfei and I happened to mention her tonight, and that got me thinking." He had brought up Heshou because she, too, could foresee future events. The difference was that Heshou could foresee many things, whereas Yuxi's premonitions only concerned matters relating to herself.
Xu Wu said, "Didn't that woman claim she could foresee the future? Yet despite having such an ability, she ended up as the Crown Prince's concubine and finally died an unnatural death. Don't you find that ridiculous, Wangye? If someone truly possessed the gift of foresight, Heaven would have specially favoured them. She ought to have benefited the whole realm and earned the reverence of tens of thousands. Instead, far from benefiting the realm, she couldn't even save herself from an unnatural death." For this reason, Xu Wu scoffed at the idea that Heshou had truly possessed the power of foresight.
Yun Qing smiled and nodded. "You're quite right." Once the matter was settled, he returned to the rear courtyard.
After climbing back into bed, Yun Qing kissed Yuxi on the forehead and gathered her into his arms. Since Yuxi couldn't bring herself to take Jiang Hongjin's life, then he would do it in her place. If Jiang Hongjin were dead, perhaps Yuxi would finally stop having nightmares about being burned alive. Yun Qing had no idea if this would work, but it was worth a try.
The next morning, Yuxi woke at first light. She usually got up at this hour every day to exercise, but Yun Qing was an extremely light sleeper and would wake up as soon as she moved. Not wanting to disturb him, Yuxi stayed where she was, closed her eyes, and drifted back to sleep. By the time she woke again, the sun was three poles high27.
When Gancao came in, Yuxi asked, "Why didn't you wake me?" It was already far too late for her morning exercises.
Gancao lowered her head. "Wangye ordered us not to disturb Wangfei." Since Wangye had given the order himself, she certainly hadn't dared to disobey.
By the time Yuxi had finished breakfast, it was almost the end of the Chen hour28. Instead of going to the front courtyard, she took Liu-er for a walk in the garden.
Liu-er was nothing like Zaozao. She was terribly delicate and pampered. After only a few steps, she refused to go any further. She didn't complain or say anything; she simply stood where she was and stared at Yuxi with her big eyes.
Yuxi felt a headache coming on. "Walk a little farther." She had made many cards with pictures of different animals and plants, each labelled with its name. The words were for Zaozao to learn, of course, while the pictures were mainly for Liu-er. The two sisters usually had great fun playing with them. Liu-er especially loved the cards and could sometimes play with them all day. By now, she could name almost everything pictured on them. But the old problem remained: Liu-er was still lazy and hated moving about. If nobody made her go outside for a walk, she would happily sit indoors all day.
Liu-er looked at Yuxi with a pitiful, pleading little expression.
Yuxi said, "Walk as far as the garden gate, and then Mom will carry you." Liu-er's particular look worked extremely well on Yun Qing, but it had little effect on Yuxi.
At once, Liu-er's eyes began to redden.
Yuxi's head started to ache. It was only a little walking, yet Liu-er acted as though the act would take her very life29. Yuxi hardened her heart and stated, "If you won't walk, then stay here and wait." With that, she walked on without even looking back.
The maids and older servants assigned to Liu-er stayed behind with her too, but none dared to pick her up. Realising nobody would carry her, Liu-er had no choice but to toddle forward on her own two feet.
However, the moment Liu-er reached the garden gate, she stopped and refused to move any further.
With no other choice, Yuxi picked her up. "How did I manage to give birth to such a lazy worm30?" She hadn't expected Liu-er to be like Zaozao, but she couldn't sit all day indoors either. Yuxi sighed. Between the elder and the younger, neither of them saved her any worry31.
Footnotes Full List
- 时辰 (shíchen) — 2 hours
- 尸骨无存 (shī gǔ wú cún) — neither corpse nor bones remain; to die so completely or terribly that no remains are left
- 二 (èr) — two/second; 堂姐 (tángjiě) means an older female cousin on your father's side, specifically the daughter of your father's brother.
- 大 (dà) — eldest, 堂哥 (táng gē) — paternal male cousin (older)
- 另眼相看 (lìng yǎn xiāng kàn) — look at someone with another eye; to regard someone in a new and more favourable light
- 一梦千年 (yī mèng qiān nián) — one dream, a thousand years; a fantastical expression for experiencing an immense span of time within a dream
- 一梦一生 (yī mèng yī shēng) — one dream, one lifetime; experiencing an entire lifetime within a single dream
- 压根 (yà gēn) — from the very root; colloquially, simply or absolutely, especially in a negative statement
- 借尸还魂 (jiè shī huán hún) — borrow a corpse to return the soul; the dead person's soul returning to life in another person's body
- 欺软怕硬 (qī ruǎn pà yìng) — bully what is soft and fear what is hard; bully the weak while fearing the strong
- 包子 (bāozi) — steamed bun; slang for someone meek, yielding and easy to bully
- 阴影 (yīnyǐng) — shadow; metaphorically, a lasting psychological scar or trauma
- 梦都是相反的 (mèng dōu shì xiāngfǎn de) — dreams are all reversed; a common saying used to reassure someone that an unpleasant dream will not come true
- 嗜杀成性 (shì shā chéng xìng) — a taste for killing becoming one's nature; habitually and excessively bloodthirsty
- 拉近跟我三姐的距离 (lā jìn gēn wǒ sān jiě de jùlí) — pull the distance closer; metaphorically, create opportunities to become closer to someone
- 五 (wǔ) — five/fifth, 妹 (mèi) — younger sister
- 圆房 (yuán fáng) — complete the bridal chamber; a traditional euphemism for consummating a marriage
- 逆来顺受 (nì lái shùn shòu) — when adversity comes, accept and submit to it; to endure mistreatment passively without resistance
- 消除隐患 (xiāochú yǐnhuàn) — eliminate a concealed future danger; remove something that might later cause trouble
- 死而复生 (sǐ ér fù shēng) — die and then live again; return to life after death
- 借尸还魂 (jiè shī huán hún) — borrow another's corpse to return the soul; the dead returning to life in another person's body
- 学识渊博 (xuéshí yuānbó) — one's learning is deep and extensive; highly knowledgeable
- It's basically the explanation for rebirth and transmigration.
- 取了经 (qǔ le jīng) — obtained the scriptures; figuratively, sought advice and learnt useful experience or methods from someone
- (亥时 (háishi) — 9-11 pm
- Xianzhu (县主; Xiànzhǔ) is the title of a 'County Princess' – the daughter of a princess (公主; Gōngzhǔ — 1st tier rank; Daughters of the Emperor) – making her a member of the imperial family, but one rank below Junzhu (郡主; Jùnzhǔ — 2nd tier rank; Granddaughters of the Emperor (daughters of a prince/king (wang)).
- 日上三竿 (rì shàng sān gān) — the sun has risen three pole-lengths high; late in the morning, much later than one's usual waking time
- 辰时 (chénshí) — 7-9 am
- 好像要她命似的 (hǎoxiàng yào tā mìng shì de) — as though it wanted her life; a humorous exaggeration meaning that someone behaves as though a simple task is unbearably difficult
- 懒虫 (lǎn chóng) — lazy insect or worm; an affectionate or teasing term for an extremely lazy person
- 没一个省心的 (méi yī ge shěng xīn de) — not one who saves worry; neither of them gives one peace of mind or is easy to look after
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