How did Bao Ruanruan manage to make her script thicker and thicker the more she read it? The answer: by adding medical know...
How did Bao Ruanruan manage to make her script thicker and thicker the more she read it?
The answer: by adding medical knowledge to it.
Yang Xueni was speechless.
She finally believed it.
Bao Ruanruan had clearly not read the script over and over again.
In any case, she certainly hadn't been reading it the way a normal actor would!
Especially when she saw that acupuncture-point chart🖼️, Yang Xueni felt as though she was going to faint.
Bao Ruanruan loosened the binder clip on the script and pulled the acupuncture-point chart out from between its pages.
Then she slowly unfolded it.
The chart was particularly frightening.
This was because, once fully unfolded, it was roughly as tall as an adult.
Every acupuncture point and meandering meridian of the body was drawn on the chart… along with explanatory text for each one.
Once Bao Ruanruan had unfolded it, she held it up solemnly and earnestly, her little face looking as though she were gazing upon an enormous treasure.
Then she walked over to the large hotel bed.
"Nini, lie down."
"Let me try this."
[ Hahahahaha! ]
[ Nini: "Try it, and you'll die." ]
[ D@mn, I never in a million years expected this. Nini, stay strong! ]
[ I'm suddenly panicking on Sis Nini's behalf .]
"Wait!"
Nini did not need anyone to panic on her behalf.
She was really starting to panic.
"What are you going to do…? You're going to… stick needles… into me?"
Yang Xueni could hardly believe it.
She was scared.
"Don't mess around. Practising medicine without a licence can get you arrested!"
[ Hahahahaha 23331! ]
[ This is the first time I've ever seen Sis Xueni make that expression. ]
[ Nini, what are you panicking about? The needles used in acting aren't real, are they? ]
Of course they were not real.
"I've asked the producer," Bao Ruanruan said, even pulling up their chat history to prove it. "Most of the needle-insertion effects in the drama will be created using special effects. For a small number of scenes, however, they'll have a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner handle it."
"I don't actually have to stick the needles in."
Yang Xueni heaved a huge sigh of relief.
Sorry. She took back her doubts.
But why on earth had Bao Ruanruan managed to frighten her just now?
"Then why did you bring out the acupuncture-point chart?"
"Of course so that I can identify and learn where the acupuncture points are," Bao Ruanruan patiently explained to Yang Xueni. "Even though the special effects will show the audience the correct places to insert the needles, don't I still have to act out the technique and positioning of the needle insertion?"
"If I get it wrong and end up demonstrating something unsafe to the audience, what are we supposed to do?"
Yang Xueni froze for a moment.
[ When it comes to the educational responsibility of acting, Xiao Bao really is number one in the industry, isn't she? ]
[ Good grief, I absolutely have to follow this drama. ]
Bao Ruanruan drew a deep breath.
"I can't just mess things around."
Imagine if she herself were the Imperial Consort in the drama, waiting to be treated with her very life and everything she had resting in the hands of this female physician? Bao Ruanruan immediately put herself in the consort's shoes, hoping that the physician's medical skills would be a little more accomplished.
"I thought about it. How am I supposed to act as though I'm highly skilled in medicine?"
"I think I should at least have a basic understanding of it."
Bao Ruanruan's expression was exceedingly solemn.
Respect life, and take responsibility for it.
The actress and her role had become one and the same. Yang Xueni opened her mouth, but no words came out.
This one was an acting fool2, too.
Some people learned boxing or martial arts in order to portray their characters.
This girl was learning medicine.
[ As expected of our Kiddo Ruan, the Safety Commissioner! ]
[ A like for Little Bao! I'll entrust Nini to you, then. ]
[ As a Xueren, I'm definitely going to watch this drama when it airs too, hahaha~ ]
"Let's make the most of our time."
Then Bao Ruanruan thought for a moment.
"You've lost too much blood, and you're unconscious."
Her little face turned sorrowful, as though she were witnessing a life about to vanish before her very eyes.
"Nini, the time has come to put your acting skills to the test."
Yang Xueni: "……"
[ Hahahahaha! ]
Resignedly, Yang Xueni lay down and cooperatively took off her coat.
Wearing only a loose sweatshirt, she pulled the covers over herself and lay on the bed.
She closed her eyes.
"Mm, don't rush me. Let me find the acupuncture points first," Bao Ruanruan mumbled.
Yang Xueni's eyes snapped open in an instant.
She had the distinct feeling that she was going to die with her eyes still open3!
"Does Consort Zhuang die in this episode?" Yang Xueni silently clutched the corner of the quilt.
"With my current level of medical skill," Bao Ruanruan replied as she unfolded the acupuncture-point chart and placed it beside Yang Xueni, "it's really hard to say."
Yang Xueni: "……"
You little b@stard, just play a villain instead!
[ I'm laughing so hard I'm dying, oh my God! ]
[ They're getting into character, really getting into character. Is this what two extraordinarily brilliant actresses are like? Hahahahaha! ]
[ Both of them have gotten completely into character, hahahahaha! ]
Bao Ruanruan held the script in her right hand and ran her left index finger over Yang Xueni's body through the quilt, pressing as she went...
"Tianrong, Tianding…"
She compared the points one by one.
The pressure from Bao Ruanruan's finger was neither too heavy nor too light. Truth be told, it actually felt rather comfortable.
Yang Xueni just lay there, motionless.
The bed was soft, and she was not allowed to move.
Gradually, she began to feel that today's work was easier than ever before.
She slowly relaxed, completely succumbing to Bao Ruanruan's presses as they travelled from her shoulder, down her arm, to her wrist and finger joints.
Even through the quilt, it felt so good~
It would be even better if she could turn over and have Bao Ruanruan massage her back as well.
The pressure could be a little stronger, too~
Drowsy and hazy, Yang Xueni finally began to doze off in blissful comfort.
Having only just finished filming all the scenes for Snow Mountain Rescue, she was actually so exhausted that it felt as though every bone in her body was about to fall apart.
She had merely been forcing herself to hold on through sheer willpower so she could finish recording the variety show they had agreed upon long ago.
At that moment, she felt a small hand finish pressing the points on her lower leg before moving warmly up to the acupuncture points on her forehead.
Yang Xueni could not help making a low little sound of approval deep in her throat.
Then she fell into a deep sleep.
Completely at ease.
It was as though she had not come here to work as an assistant today, but had instead walked into a massage parlour.
Her slow, peaceful breathing could be heard gradually travelling through the microphone and into the livestream.
Just a reminder, everyone—this was not a dream!
[ ! ]
[ !!! ]
[ ?? ]
It wasn't just the viewers of the livestream who were stunned. The entire Assistant camera crew, production staff, and field director inside the hotel room were also left staring in disbelief at the scene.
None of them had ever seen anything this ridiculous.
Was it really okay for a female celebrity to openly and unabashedly fall asleep during a livestream just like that?
And she was supposed to be working as an assistant, yet she had fallen asleep!
Everyone knew that the Assistant production team could never bear to make the actresses suffer hardship, but nobody had expected things to end up like this.
The field director in the room covered his forehead.
In an instant, he could already imagine what topics might appear on today's trending searches.
#Slept Through The Entire 90 Minute Livestream#
#I Feel Like I Just Watched A Mattress Commercial#
It's over. It's all over.
They had finally managed to do a rare livestream, and now it was about to go spectacularly off the rails.
"Teacher Bao, should we wake…"
"Shh."
Bao Ruanruan waved her hand.
Her fair little face was solemn as she stopped the director from speaking.
"Nini is acting especially well. She's portraying unconsciousness extremely thoroughly."
"As expected of an actress capable of appearing in films. I'm definitely nowhere near as good as she is."
Director: "…………"
[ Pfft, pfft, pfft! ]
[ Thank you, Xiao Bao, 23331. You're even better at spewing rainbow farts4 than I am, and I'm one of Xueni's Xueren. ]
[ Kiddo Ruan: "Unconscious and impossible to wake—this acting is very good~" ]
[ Xiao Bao: "Don't worry. Wait until I insert the needles and revive her." ]
[ Hahahahaha, I'm laughing so hard my head fell off again5, sorry. ]
[ Why do the two of them together have such a Happy Comedians🖼️ contestant effect? Save me! ]
[ 5556, we Xueren are incredibly grateful to Xiao Bao. Our girl was seriously exhausted from filming those snowy mountain scenes a while ago. Thank God that during the last livestream, Xiao Bao made her see a doctor and taught her better hygiene habits. This time, she's letting my girl rest and sleep during the livestream. ]
[ So, is that how we're supposed to interpret this? ]
[ Holy crap! Did she deliberately let our girl rest? 555556, from now on I'm going to be one of Bao Ruanruan's drama fans! For every movie I watch starring Sis Nini, I'll binge one of Bao Ruanruan's dramas. I pwomise! ]
[ Is that what happened? Thank you—bows! ]
The scrolling comments began flooding the screen in a dizzying blur.
What had begun as a sea of 'hahaha' turned into a massive scene of Xueren lining up to express their gratitude.
It left Bao Ruanruan's mom fans and the variety show's casual non-fan viewers completely at a loss for how to react.
"Fake Mom, why do I feel like our Kiddo Ruan is genuinely just concentrating on memorising acupuncture points?"
Tang Qian received the voice message in the group chat.
This caused her to put a hand to her forehead.
Mm… this was probably what one called… being extraordinarily gifted by nature.
A skill ordinary people simply did not possess.
Without even realising it, Bao Ruanruan had done a good deed…
Even she herself might not have known it.
Bao Ruanruan truly had no idea that she had just gained another wave of goodwill from the Xueren.
She was determined to memorise the acupuncture points properly.
They did not necessarily have to be perfectly precise, but they could not be a hundred and eight thousand li7 off.
When she realised that Yang Xueni had genuinely fallen asleep, she was surprised as well.
Only someone who was extremely exhausted could fall asleep while another person was touching their body.
At least, that was how it worked for her.
If someone was tired, they ought to rest.
So she did not call out to Yang Xueni, nor did she let the director wake her.
After all, it did not interfere with her studying the locations of the acupuncture points.
She essentially compared the positions of the acupuncture points on a real human body with the examples in the illustration.
Then she moved on to the next step.
She walked over to the desk in the room and took some small sticky notes out of her backpack.
They were narrow.
The kind specifically used for taking notes.
"Teacher Bao, what are you doing now?"
The director was getting extremely anxious.
He was afraid she would not be able to manage on her own.
However, Bao Ruanruan was perfectly calm and did not even raise her head.
She rested her elbows on the desk in textbook-standard posture, keeping her eyes exactly twenty centimetres from the paper—not a centimetre more or less.
Then she began writing.
[ D@mn, screenshot this. ]
[ Take a screenshot for Nini. Now that is a textbook-perfect homework posture! ]
[ Screenshot it. I'm showing this to my kid. ]
[ As expected of Imperial Physician Bao! ]
Confronted with the director's anxiety, Bao Ruanruan spoke while continuing to write.
"I'm not doing anything special. Just some perfectly ordinary copying exercises to help me remember things, that's all."
Director: "!"
What was their programme called again?
However, after writing for a while, Bao Ruanruan stood up.
Holding the little sticky notes, she walked towards Yang Xueni.
Director: "?"
[ ??? ]
Bao Ruanruan seemed to sense the director's puzzled expression.
"Now it's time for the from-memory test."
As she spoke, she held up the sticky notes and furrowed her brows in thought.
She drew one, considered it carefully, then stuck it onto the corresponding place somewhere on Yang Xueni's body.
[ Correction: this isn't a from-memory test. It's a connect-the-lines exercise8, 2333331. ]
[ Pfft hahahahahaha—————— ]
*
Half an hour later, on the large bed in the hotel room.
Yang Xueni awoke from her nap feeling completely refreshed and invigorated, wonderfully comfortable.
She slowly sat up in bed.
Then she saw a whole circle of cameramen staring at her with shocked expressions.
She then noticed the field director, who looked utterly devastated.
And sitting on the sofa, looking extremely satisfied… was Bao Ruanruan.
Yang Xueni: "!"
She had fallen asleep on the show!?
Shock!
[ Hehe, don't be scared. Take a look in the mirror—you'll be even more scared. ]
[ I could lose at cards all night and still won't end up covered in this many slips, 23331. ]
Just as Yang Xueni hurriedly tried to scramble up while apologising, "I'm sorry, I—"
The moment she moved, her whole body rustled loudly.
It was the sound of paper rubbing against paper.
Yang Xueni froze.
She lowered her head.
And discovered that almost none of the black fabric of her sweatshirt was visible anymore.
Neat handwriting practically buried her entire body from top to bottom——————Xuanji point… Jiuwei point… Jianli point…..
Dense clusters of paper slips—white, red, and yellow—were enough to give her trypophobia📹.
She had become a paper mummy!
"!!! TEA, CHER, BAO!?"
"Yes, I'm right here~" Bao Ruanruan cheerfully raised her hand. "The red ones are the questions I got wrong and need to correct. Don't move. I'm going to do the whole exercise again later."
"………..!"
[ Hahaha! ]
Author's Note:
Ruan: No kisses when you've got a cold. Mwah-mwah~
See you tomorrow~
Footnotes Full List
- 2333 (èr-sān-sān-sān) or any variations — internet laughter; derived from an old emoticon numbered 233 and equivalent to '*hahaha/lol')
- 戏痴 (xìchī) — drama/acting fool; someone obsessively devoted to acting
- 死不瞑目 (sǐ bù míngmù) — to die without closing one's eyes; an idiom meaning to die with unresolved grievances or without being able to rest in peace
- 彩虹屁 (cǎihóng pì) — literally 'rainbow fart'; internet slang for extravagant, over-the-top praise or flattery
- 笑到我头又掉了 (xiào dào wǒ tóu yòu diào le) — laughed until my head fell off again; exaggerated internet humour meaning something is extremely funny
- 555 (wǔ-wǔ-wǔ) or any variations — internet numerals representing crying because the Mandarin pronunciation resembles 呜呜呜 (wūwūwū), the sound of sobbing
- 十万八千里 (shíwàn-bāqiān-lǐ) — one hundred and eight thousand li; an idiom meaning an enormous distance and figuratively 'wildly/far off the mark'
- 连线题 (liánxiàn tí) — literally 'connect-the-lines question'; a school exercise where matching items are joined with lines, humorously describing Bao Ruanruan matching written acupuncture-point labels to Yang Xueni's body
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